Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
