so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
