I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
