so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
