as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
