I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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