Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
its not stalking. its research.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Randomize
