dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
