I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
