Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
