4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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