I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
