that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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