That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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