Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i already hear my dad disowning me
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
