youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
