wanna go halves on a baby?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
even my farts smell like vagina
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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