I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
