I think I just saw someone hide a body.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I was not drunk enough for that final.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
