A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
