The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
don't judge my taste in strippers
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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