Whod you bang
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
