respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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