You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
