I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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