ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
