honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
