I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
