did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
