I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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