Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
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he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
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She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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