god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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