tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
