Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I have tasted many bathrooms
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