hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
