the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
