I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
