She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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