I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
