Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
