i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
