Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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