Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
