Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
