my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
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I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
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i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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