Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
