I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Apparently you make a good broom.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
