420 ftw
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
