how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
