I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Randomize
