We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
