you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
