The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
