I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
