He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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