loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
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Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
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Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
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