i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You need a sexual gate keeper
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
