The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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