Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
