i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
