i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
