Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
