White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
