My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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