so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
