We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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