I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
