No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
