Do you still have your period?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
