Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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