This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
