You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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